Are You Afraid of Standing Out Too Much?

Actor Jeff Bridges explained that he was embarrassed that his success had exceeded that of his famous dad, Lloyd Bridges. As a result, for years he turned down plum roles until after his dad passed away.

Alan, the owner of a $14 million electronics company turned down the opportunity to gain exclusive access for free to a hot product that would eventually generate $100 million in sales. It was obvious this product would catapult his company to a level of success far beyond what it had achieved to that point, with minimal effort (feeding the new product into his existing network of online and offline distributors and using it to open new distribution).

His explanation…

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I’m afraid it would make me stand out too much! Right now, I don’t stand out much, so big companies and competitors are not threatened by my company. But suddenly having such an amazing product… I have a deep fear of how things might change.

Was his Fear of “Standing Out Too Much” Rational?

As I look at massive successes like Burt’s Bees, the tiny company started by an artist and her beekeeper boyfriend who had never done anything like this in her live – where she just put one foot in front of the other and took every opportunity that was presented to her, it reminds me that Alan’s fears are mostly unfounded.

Yes, we could always rationalize the worst that could happen. But frankly, with such a hot product, if his concern was legitimate, it also meant he could eventually sell the company for a truckload of money, then return to his obscurity, much richer than before.

Surprisingly, this type of fear is quite common. Psychologist and motivator Mary Morrissey tell us four barriers to success limit the ability to achieve great goals, for most of us:

1. Feeling fundamentally flawed – the feeling that “I’m not worthy”
2. Fear of abandonment and disloyalty – that our friends will abandon us when they see we’ve achieved success far beyond their own;
3. Fear of the burden of success – that friends and family will come out of the woodwork and like us because of our success rather than who we are; and
4. Fear of outshining – like Jeff Bridges outshining his dad, and his friends.

For many of us, these fears prevent us from achieving success that may be easily within reach.

So… are you afraid of becoming successful, more than you may realize?

How Can You Get Past This Mostly Irrational Blockage?

Let’s look at each and understand how it could be overcome.

1. Feeling fundamentally flawed – the feeling that “I’m not worthy”. Many people who become successful feel this way.Despite decades of being one of the top actors in Hollywood, Dustin Hoffman often explains that he still gets emotional pangs periodically, that people will recognize he’s a fraud and take everything away from him.The secret? If you’re afraid that you are not worthy, recognize it and just get over it. Create a list of your accomplishments, maybe with visual aids like photos and props, if available. Post these in a place where you can periodically review them. Then, periodically re-read or examine the list. Pretty soon your fear will magically dissipate, and you will realize that yes, you are truly worthy!
2. Fear of abandonment and disloyalty – that our friends will abandon us when they see we’ve achieved success far beyond their own.  Actor Mark Wahlberg has his entourage of friends, that keep him grounded. These friends from the past are an important part of his life as a top actor. Oprah employs friends from her past and they help keep her grounded. The truth is, friends come and go in our lives, for different reasons. Jealously is certainly something that may crop up as you move to a higher level of success. But with certain people, it would have come up anyway, eventually.True friends are there for you, and you are there for them. It’s a two way street.Motivator Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If everyone you know is struggling or just getting by, maybe it’s time to get some new friends. Join an online or offline community of people who have achieved the success you crave, and watch how your life changes. Organizations like NAWBO, the National Association of Women Business Owners, and online groups like JVIC, the Joint Venture Insider Circle, and many volunteer organizations provide fabulous opportunities to interact with and be mentored by successful people.
3. Fear of the burden of success – that friends and family will come out of the woodwork and like us because of our success rather than who we are. Okay, this one is real. But being part of a network of other successful people will help you develop strategies and strengthen your ability to say “no,” perhaps in a way that does not offend others.
4. Fear of outshining. Like the other fears, your emotions will override any logic you may come up with on this one. Still, it can help if you write down a “Personal Manifesto,” a clear explanation of why you want to be successful. How will your life be different? Who will you be able to help, that you cannot help now? What will you be able to do that you cannot, now?

 

Overcoming our sometimes irrational emotions can be essential to our ability to enter the next great phase of our life. Sometimes, regardless of our fear, we just need to put one foot in front of the other, and see where that takes us.

Of course, giving ourselves mentors we value, reminding ourselves of our goals and motivations, and of our accomplishments that make us worthy to accomplish these goals, can be essential elements in our quest for a better life.

And if all else fails, as Johnny Carson cyclically reminded us, “Money can’t buy you friends. But if you have enough money, you can rent your friends!”

 

SEE ALSO

Identify Your Personality Style – Take the Quick Test

Tony Robbins Talk on How 1 Millimeter Separates Success from Everything Else

The 1-31 Sheet for Creating a new Habit and Keeping You On Track

Managing your Mindset — 3:30 into Video #3 — of 3 Ways to Grow

 

 

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